Sometimes, I think life is a series of wounds from paper-cuts to severe injuries. We are constantly hurting, then healing. If you remain unhealed from what life gives you, you are wounded forever. Yes, forgiveness is hard, and they don’t deserve it, but you do. Unforgiveness makes you hard and jaded. For me, I’d rather be gentle and positive. It takes years off your heart and soul.
All the recovery programs stress making amends with those you’ve hurt. Only one of three people who hurt me because of their addictions, and that came very early in his recovery. He accurately depicted certain manipulations he used and apologized. I still thank God for that. I have a best friend because of that. The other two people haven’t recovered enough life to do that. I was writing about it and I healed just because I finally admitted how damaged I was by their situations. It was an amazing feeling once it happened. All these years, I thought their disrespect, gas-lighting, lies, secrets, and deceit did not affect me. I was wrong.
In my life, I’m able to submerge myself into creating. With words, fabric, thread, paint, imagination, pen and ink, whatever media speaks to me for that project. It makes me happy, and with the creativity, you can take those wounds and heal them powerfully. How the human mind and soul work together is another amazing journey. And I know I healed very painful things through that collaboration.
The last 25 years of my life have been everything I always wanted and more. The Babe appeared in my life as I was healing from not only a bad relationship of three years; and from a ground-breaking spine surgery that removed a tumor from my spine and enabled me to walk again. Both were huge obstacles in my early 40s. The wait for a real relationship was over. I slowly let my walls of protection crumble. I was loved and more able to love. My hurts gradually healed, one by one. I smiled more. I laughed every day. I gained confidence. I don’t have to question everything. I can trust.
Am I envious of the people who figured out all this stuff in their twenties? Maybe, a little. I choose to believe all the hard things I’ve survived helped make me who I am today. Yes, I’m strong but gentle. I’m not afraid to fail. I have no regrets. I refuse to beat myself up. I’ve come to terms with the people who seriously wronged me. I pray for them, even. Why? Because “they know not what they did.” Once they learn better, they become responsible for that behavior. God will sort it all out. Not my job.
We are all constantly healing and becoming whole. We have more to bring to relationships, life, and our passions. Can you imagine a world like this? We can all make our part of it like this. The more healthy the relationships and lives are, the more we heal. Like life itself, it is a continuing process. Let’s continue on our journeys, feeling the progress we’re making. Thanks for being here today. It’s a cloudy, chilly day, perfect for more de-cluttering. Followed by Netflix’s, The Politician, with Jessica Lange. She’s the best. Take care, and I’ll see you tomorrow. Be Kind. Be Courteous.